I did not know what to think… i did not know what was happening around… my thought process frozen… because at the same time my heart took extremely happy things and unbearably heavy things.

It was the day i went to my office to quit. And, that was not because i had a better job or that i was tired of the place. I loved my office more than most of the priority things and it ranked second or third in my ‘i like’ places. But, i was getting married and moving in with my husband. Meeting my colleagues, their warmth to me, their smiles, their wishes everything eluded me in such a feeling that i never had before, i had just realized they all love me so much and are in pain to see me leave them. I was brave there. Chit chatting in fun and savouring every moment to its fullest ecstatcy and gratitude. I had expected to cry over there, instead it was all happy and fun moments. The moment i left the place, bidding the good bye, with light drizzle outside, the fact was sinking in. I was leaving m favorite work place. I collected my office chappal. My friend had bought it for me from mynthra (apparently working most of the day our shopping place was mynthra and our hang out place was quikr) hence it was a little large size but my favourite chappal. My eyes did not fill in tears that blurred my vision as i got into my car but my heart felt heavy. It felt so heavy i could barely breath.

I reached home but could not bring myself to talk to anyone. I decided to sleep early to cover my thoughts. By morning everything ought to be normal, at least i had expected it to be. But i was greeted by a slight headache apparent to all that i had in my mind.

My hubby was busy the previous day. He had some major commitments and was unavailable. I could not tell him what i felt like. Good thing, he came in skype the second thing in the morning. After some normal routine talk, i could not believe what he had got, not for me, it was for us. Anything that is bought from the day one of our togetherness only goes to the common hotchpot. It was an iphone 5s gold. I am supposed to be happy. I was a gadget freak. I did not fancy shoes or dress much but used to follow gadgets and cars which with time had reduced drastically. This was a gold iphone my god and i should be jumping up and down my bed. Am i doing that?

Was i happy for this or am i still sad for quitting my office? Were i happy my hubby loves me lot or am i still worrisome i miss my colleagues who were with me for a major part of the days i lived before?  Was i excited to go into my new life that awaited me or was i still sad on the missing the orange low floor buses and the standing tea and the iron stairs and my featherlite chair?? Was my life getting better or was i thinking too much? It was a typical see-saw situation i faced and i did not know how to balance my heart.